Post by def on Jan 12, 2024 16:33:55 GMT -6
Welp, this had been a lifetime in the making, but Snowdog picked up two hookers on Woodward Avenue. He had just stopped at a 7-11 and since he only smoked weed, he spilled some of the Slurpee on his new Ben Rothesberger jersey. The Steelers were his favorite team now after years of Lions futility and even the license plate on his Toyota Prius gave faith to Steeler Nation. When he pulled up to the two hapless hookers, he noticed they were Tech and Blog, both dressed in dresses, high heels and gay ass wigs. Blog said something about a 2 for 1 special and Snowdog motioned them in.
“You dudes want a beer?” Snowdog asked.
“I only drink Michelob Ultra Light,” blog replied.
Then suddenly Tech shoved a gun in Snowdog’s face, “It’s my site now. You shit the bed! Drive us to the playoff party!”
“Playoff party?” Snowdog replied confused.
This is the part where the good fans of Detroit give a special mofo by the name of def props for writing some crazy shit, but see here is where it gets interesting. All you motherfuckers never suffered what real Lions fans have suffered.
The party was next to Ford Field at Vic Turners second home, the one where he keeps his mistresses and cocaine. Nobody knew about it, in fact he paid Gov Whitmer 5k in fat buds to keep it off the grid. No one knew it existed and when golden came running out of the garage naked with a beer bong and face paint all over his mug, it looked like something out of Lord of The Flies and everyone had to bong at least one Natty Daddy or Golden's Dad would throat punch them. Golden was in town to actually attend the fucking playoff game not like all you other losers that live two hours away and are too much of a pussy to actually attend. Even golden’s Dad can out drink you motherfuckers. In fact, golden’s Dad owned a weed store in town and supplied the whole party. He once out smoked Willie Nelson.
Snowdog got out and fell down soiling his Steelers jersey. Sanders97 ran out from a bush, pulled the Steelers jersey off Snowdog Bob Probert style and then by gunpoint made Snowdog rescind his love for the Steelers. Snowdog wouldn't so Sander then threw him and his jersey into the bonfire. It was snowing out, perfect weather for a Detroit bon-fire. Felix bought the kegs and they were shipped straight from Oklahoma or some damn place where he used to run a deli. Now Felix is a pimp, selling fentanyl and Mexican hookers straight from the border. Funkytown pops in every now and then but he’s a Vikings fan so fuck that mother fucker. Also, nobody really knows the name funky town other than the song and that drug cartel death video. Don’t look it up that will haunt your dreams, trust me on that. Anyways, rusty was sucking off a goat for a few bucks of entertainment when Tech, Blog, Snowdog, Felix, golden, Vic and Sanders97 came walking to the backyard. It was like Reservoir Dogs went X-rated. Only half of them were clothed and the other half had warrants.
Blamingbarry who is always blaming somebody stole a case of Jägermeister from the local liquor store and arrived with badnews’s bitch 26point. 26point had been drunk since the Clinton Administration and always carried two back up fifths of Jägermeister. 26point even out drank a famous Kennedy once, but don’t ask him about it. He doesn’t remember anything before the year 2000. 26point lives alone and power slams any alcohol he comes into contact with. He’s been to jail more times than the old mayor of Detroit Kwame Kilpatrick. Badnews and blamingbarry are the real masterminds here, football gurus that spend their waking days studying. They know the best draft picks, best strategies on game day and the best hookers who can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch.
The party lookedlike something out of Van Wilder on acid. This was Van Wilder times 100 and Stafford jerseys hung throughout many trees, lifeless and bloodied from Trump’s vengeance. Trump formerly MB is a microbrew master and had been drunk since last Monday. It took him two days to get to the party, but some Canadian truckers were taking CF to the party and picked Trump formerly known as MB up along I-75. Trump had a wheelbarrow full of homemade booze and kept predicted score into the air like LIONS 82 RAMS 8, etc. Trump, a.k.a. MB was so drunk he vowed to walk to Ford Field, it didn’t matter if he showed up the day after the game. He was going to fuck something up.
CF, the classiest motherfucker on the Redzone message board saw Trump a.k.a. MB with his thumb out so he motioned the trucker to pull over. Even though they were late MB now known as TRUMP, gave them all micro-pale-pumpkin-blueberry ales and made then slam them all before they got moving. It was at this time that Justin Trudeau took all of CF’s money out of his bank account but he got free health care. So there’s that. CF vowed to become an American citizen but he knew it’d be tough. He'd have to outdrink Felix, which would never happen and he had to know road signs. CF didn’t give a fuck so he bought an American flag hat at the next gas station along with a fifth of whiskey. He was never going back to Canada. After the playoff game he vowed to live under the Ambassador Bridge and start his American life from scratch.
He told Sanders97 this and immediately Sanders97 played Pantera and invited CF to live with him. Meanwhile, as the party swelled in the backyard, a donkey showed up. Nobody knew who ordered it, so rusty tried to fuck it. That didn’t work so when geekchick showed up, she sucked the donkey off for 10 bucks a piece. This is how she makes her money now.
At any rate, Strongbad was doing a kegstand and murtyle was beer bonging a pint of Bacardi 151 when bogartin and thedane showed up. Bogartin had a leash around thedane, and they both did some dry humping before trying to start fights with everybody. Bogartin had the best weed and thedane smoked so much he declared that tonight, we break into FORD FIELD!
So, everyone did. The night before the playoffs, Lion Nation stopped over with his harem of hookers to calm everyone down. LN always had the best hookers and for thedane nobody but Cinammon would do. The black Irish lassie with a snapper pussy calmed his ass down, so we formulated a plan.
Ford Field wasn’t Fort Knox. It was penitriable. Wombat did some googling and came up with the easiest way to break into Ford Field, through the catering restaurant entrance. So we all had to put on aprons.
“If it ain’t even open until tomorrow morning, why we got to put on aprons?” Judge Smails said.
“Good point, let’s just break into Ford Field and hide out until game time. I promise I won’t pass out this time!” replied slybri.
So the plan was set into motion. Bigdogchris called his boys with the vans, a gang outside Detroit that once ran drugs for White Boy Rick and knows the FBI. He said be careful what you say and we were when the ten huge vans showed up and everyone piled in, tepod produced the acid. It was the electric kool aid acid test and nobody was passing. Inside every van were Honolulu blue unicorns and when Honolulu Blue dove into the van after doing some serious storm chasing down in Florida, he took some acid and began to pray. He prayed to the football gods. He prayed to his probation officer. He prayed to Wayne Fontes, who once used to babysit him.
Fireball was, yep you guessed it, doing shots of Fireball and let’s face it…at any party, what’s the best part…yep, that bottle fireball coming your way. We all know it and we all love it. Fireball the booze not the member, takes the buzz and shakes it like some seismograph outside Napa valley, it jolts the interior guys messing together all of one’s organs into a harmonious fucking internal soulful bash!
By the time golden’s dad was doing acid and calling sports radio stations. He got on Jim Rome and said the Lions will win or the Rams would be kidnapped, yep all the Rams!
“Epic!” Jim Rome replied.
Jdb34 said there was a big surprise coming. He was going to meet us at Ford Field and we didn’t even have to break in. So when all the vans pulled up to the back of Ford Field the night before the playoff game, a limo eased up.
This wasn’t an ordinary limo, this was a hummer limo, top of the line, something no one could afford except Shaq and it stopped right in front of all the vans, who were pulling out before any arrests. The hummer limo pulled up and there he was….liongeezer stepping out with the keys to the back door.
“What the fuck liongeezer? Who the fuck are you?” SignaporeLion said.
“My last name is Ford and you all get a penthouse suite for the game!” liongeezer said.
“You’re a FORD – WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Yep, WCF was my Uncle. I have more money than God, but I also work for the CIA so nobody must know about me,” liongeezer lamented.
“Ain’t nobody going to know shit bruh!” badnews exclaimed.
Lionsgeezer a.k.a. the illigitmate Ford pulled out a huge set of keys and everyone piled into FORD FIELD. Nobody else was there. Carts of whiskey were wheeled in and at the 50 yard line all you dumb motherfuckers started doing shots and bonging beers. This was it. THIS TOOK A LIFETIME but we finally made it. We made it into the playoffs and the shots of whiskey flowed like wine….
It flowed so much Snowdog had to shit but couldn’t find a bathroom so he shit on the 20 yard line. This pissed everyone off so golden and Felix made him clean it up.
Then an MSU helicopter was heard overhead. It was loud and everyone ran outside. The green MSU helicopter now owned by HunterMSU dropped down with twenty pounds of the finest weed known to man, flown in from Cuba.
HunterMSU and Lion Nation started lighting bowls of weed until Vic Turner showed them how it’s done.
It didn’t take long for all the whiskey, weed and coke to be hauled into Ford Field and up to the Redzone Penthouse Suit.
Nobody would know they didn’t have tickets and nobody would know on that fateful Sunday where all the cocaine came from…when TRUMP a.k.a MB ran onto the field to try and hurt Stafford, well history was made…
Many would say it was the spirit and vigor from that press box that ultimately decided the game and when guinness showed up the next day many world records were broken…most booze consumed in one day….197499 gallons, quadrupling the old record and when the day was over history would be made…FUCK THE RAMS!!!!
salutmotherfuckers
“You dudes want a beer?” Snowdog asked.
“I only drink Michelob Ultra Light,” blog replied.
Then suddenly Tech shoved a gun in Snowdog’s face, “It’s my site now. You shit the bed! Drive us to the playoff party!”
“Playoff party?” Snowdog replied confused.
This is the part where the good fans of Detroit give a special mofo by the name of def props for writing some crazy shit, but see here is where it gets interesting. All you motherfuckers never suffered what real Lions fans have suffered.
The party was next to Ford Field at Vic Turners second home, the one where he keeps his mistresses and cocaine. Nobody knew about it, in fact he paid Gov Whitmer 5k in fat buds to keep it off the grid. No one knew it existed and when golden came running out of the garage naked with a beer bong and face paint all over his mug, it looked like something out of Lord of The Flies and everyone had to bong at least one Natty Daddy or Golden's Dad would throat punch them. Golden was in town to actually attend the fucking playoff game not like all you other losers that live two hours away and are too much of a pussy to actually attend. Even golden’s Dad can out drink you motherfuckers. In fact, golden’s Dad owned a weed store in town and supplied the whole party. He once out smoked Willie Nelson.
Snowdog got out and fell down soiling his Steelers jersey. Sanders97 ran out from a bush, pulled the Steelers jersey off Snowdog Bob Probert style and then by gunpoint made Snowdog rescind his love for the Steelers. Snowdog wouldn't so Sander then threw him and his jersey into the bonfire. It was snowing out, perfect weather for a Detroit bon-fire. Felix bought the kegs and they were shipped straight from Oklahoma or some damn place where he used to run a deli. Now Felix is a pimp, selling fentanyl and Mexican hookers straight from the border. Funkytown pops in every now and then but he’s a Vikings fan so fuck that mother fucker. Also, nobody really knows the name funky town other than the song and that drug cartel death video. Don’t look it up that will haunt your dreams, trust me on that. Anyways, rusty was sucking off a goat for a few bucks of entertainment when Tech, Blog, Snowdog, Felix, golden, Vic and Sanders97 came walking to the backyard. It was like Reservoir Dogs went X-rated. Only half of them were clothed and the other half had warrants.
Blamingbarry who is always blaming somebody stole a case of Jägermeister from the local liquor store and arrived with badnews’s bitch 26point. 26point had been drunk since the Clinton Administration and always carried two back up fifths of Jägermeister. 26point even out drank a famous Kennedy once, but don’t ask him about it. He doesn’t remember anything before the year 2000. 26point lives alone and power slams any alcohol he comes into contact with. He’s been to jail more times than the old mayor of Detroit Kwame Kilpatrick. Badnews and blamingbarry are the real masterminds here, football gurus that spend their waking days studying. They know the best draft picks, best strategies on game day and the best hookers who can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch.
The party lookedlike something out of Van Wilder on acid. This was Van Wilder times 100 and Stafford jerseys hung throughout many trees, lifeless and bloodied from Trump’s vengeance. Trump formerly MB is a microbrew master and had been drunk since last Monday. It took him two days to get to the party, but some Canadian truckers were taking CF to the party and picked Trump formerly known as MB up along I-75. Trump had a wheelbarrow full of homemade booze and kept predicted score into the air like LIONS 82 RAMS 8, etc. Trump, a.k.a. MB was so drunk he vowed to walk to Ford Field, it didn’t matter if he showed up the day after the game. He was going to fuck something up.
CF, the classiest motherfucker on the Redzone message board saw Trump a.k.a. MB with his thumb out so he motioned the trucker to pull over. Even though they were late MB now known as TRUMP, gave them all micro-pale-pumpkin-blueberry ales and made then slam them all before they got moving. It was at this time that Justin Trudeau took all of CF’s money out of his bank account but he got free health care. So there’s that. CF vowed to become an American citizen but he knew it’d be tough. He'd have to outdrink Felix, which would never happen and he had to know road signs. CF didn’t give a fuck so he bought an American flag hat at the next gas station along with a fifth of whiskey. He was never going back to Canada. After the playoff game he vowed to live under the Ambassador Bridge and start his American life from scratch.
He told Sanders97 this and immediately Sanders97 played Pantera and invited CF to live with him. Meanwhile, as the party swelled in the backyard, a donkey showed up. Nobody knew who ordered it, so rusty tried to fuck it. That didn’t work so when geekchick showed up, she sucked the donkey off for 10 bucks a piece. This is how she makes her money now.
At any rate, Strongbad was doing a kegstand and murtyle was beer bonging a pint of Bacardi 151 when bogartin and thedane showed up. Bogartin had a leash around thedane, and they both did some dry humping before trying to start fights with everybody. Bogartin had the best weed and thedane smoked so much he declared that tonight, we break into FORD FIELD!
So, everyone did. The night before the playoffs, Lion Nation stopped over with his harem of hookers to calm everyone down. LN always had the best hookers and for thedane nobody but Cinammon would do. The black Irish lassie with a snapper pussy calmed his ass down, so we formulated a plan.
Ford Field wasn’t Fort Knox. It was penitriable. Wombat did some googling and came up with the easiest way to break into Ford Field, through the catering restaurant entrance. So we all had to put on aprons.
“If it ain’t even open until tomorrow morning, why we got to put on aprons?” Judge Smails said.
“Good point, let’s just break into Ford Field and hide out until game time. I promise I won’t pass out this time!” replied slybri.
So the plan was set into motion. Bigdogchris called his boys with the vans, a gang outside Detroit that once ran drugs for White Boy Rick and knows the FBI. He said be careful what you say and we were when the ten huge vans showed up and everyone piled in, tepod produced the acid. It was the electric kool aid acid test and nobody was passing. Inside every van were Honolulu blue unicorns and when Honolulu Blue dove into the van after doing some serious storm chasing down in Florida, he took some acid and began to pray. He prayed to the football gods. He prayed to his probation officer. He prayed to Wayne Fontes, who once used to babysit him.
Fireball was, yep you guessed it, doing shots of Fireball and let’s face it…at any party, what’s the best part…yep, that bottle fireball coming your way. We all know it and we all love it. Fireball the booze not the member, takes the buzz and shakes it like some seismograph outside Napa valley, it jolts the interior guys messing together all of one’s organs into a harmonious fucking internal soulful bash!
By the time golden’s dad was doing acid and calling sports radio stations. He got on Jim Rome and said the Lions will win or the Rams would be kidnapped, yep all the Rams!
“Epic!” Jim Rome replied.
Jdb34 said there was a big surprise coming. He was going to meet us at Ford Field and we didn’t even have to break in. So when all the vans pulled up to the back of Ford Field the night before the playoff game, a limo eased up.
This wasn’t an ordinary limo, this was a hummer limo, top of the line, something no one could afford except Shaq and it stopped right in front of all the vans, who were pulling out before any arrests. The hummer limo pulled up and there he was….liongeezer stepping out with the keys to the back door.
“What the fuck liongeezer? Who the fuck are you?” SignaporeLion said.
“My last name is Ford and you all get a penthouse suite for the game!” liongeezer said.
“You’re a FORD – WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Yep, WCF was my Uncle. I have more money than God, but I also work for the CIA so nobody must know about me,” liongeezer lamented.
“Ain’t nobody going to know shit bruh!” badnews exclaimed.
Lionsgeezer a.k.a. the illigitmate Ford pulled out a huge set of keys and everyone piled into FORD FIELD. Nobody else was there. Carts of whiskey were wheeled in and at the 50 yard line all you dumb motherfuckers started doing shots and bonging beers. This was it. THIS TOOK A LIFETIME but we finally made it. We made it into the playoffs and the shots of whiskey flowed like wine….
It flowed so much Snowdog had to shit but couldn’t find a bathroom so he shit on the 20 yard line. This pissed everyone off so golden and Felix made him clean it up.
Then an MSU helicopter was heard overhead. It was loud and everyone ran outside. The green MSU helicopter now owned by HunterMSU dropped down with twenty pounds of the finest weed known to man, flown in from Cuba.
HunterMSU and Lion Nation started lighting bowls of weed until Vic Turner showed them how it’s done.
It didn’t take long for all the whiskey, weed and coke to be hauled into Ford Field and up to the Redzone Penthouse Suit.
Nobody would know they didn’t have tickets and nobody would know on that fateful Sunday where all the cocaine came from…when TRUMP a.k.a MB ran onto the field to try and hurt Stafford, well history was made…
Many would say it was the spirit and vigor from that press box that ultimately decided the game and when guinness showed up the next day many world records were broken…most booze consumed in one day….197499 gallons, quadrupling the old record and when the day was over history would be made…FUCK THE RAMS!!!!
salutmotherfuckers