Post by def on Nov 21, 2022 11:24:33 GMT -6
There is no denying The Curse of Bobby Layne. For years, I have attempted to reverse this dangerous and ominous curse, but kept running out of proper whiskey, most likely because I began drinking it all. The spirits moved me...no literally...after half a fifth I left to curses behind for a hot date with a blonde, leaving the chickens to fend for themlves. One of these chickens I slaughtered in a midnigt ritual after the bar during a full crescent moon in rising Taurus and Jupiter. This was last year and while we did seem to draft well it did nothing for our record. The verdict was in...the forces behind the Curse of Bobby Layne were too strong and dark in regards to my geographical location, because too many shockras of astronomy and religion had joined an alliance against Detroit Football.
I had to take it to the next level, so I hired a translator by the hour and called Brazil, where a world famous voodoo doctor lives in the mountains of a magical rain forest. Dr. Zacadi Zee informed me that my methods have been proven ineffective. They were old methods, so for 19.99 plus shipping he was going to send me his own reverse the curse advanced voodoo kit. This was the advanced version so I knew it would work. Even though it took months due to Biden and Butegieg supply chain issues it finally arrived two months ago.
We followed the instructions. We had eveything, a picture of Madonna circa 1982, special beads blessed by the good doctor himself, special spices from Walmart, an ancient rosary we had to buy online and a Honolulu blue silver beaked Dodo bird from a Northern Forest in Australia (due to the reverse rotation of the Earth there.) It was all there except one item. All we needed was Absinthe and since it is illegal here in the USA, I had to skirt around some rules and things by paying off customs agents and ex CIA members familiar with the situation. Everything worth doing takes time. Remember that.
Anyways, the Absinthe came from France but I couldnt help myself. Instead of using it to help the Lions, I decided to have a taste myself. It was goood. I mean, life suddenly made sense to me. I understood it all and that's when I knew football is second to living a prosperous, sex filled life. I understood how the system worked, immediately and the ABSINTHE liquor told me I need backup and a higher power to reverse the curse of Bobby Layne. I was simply not qualified nor was my geographic location of where the ghetto meets the meadow the proper location to invoke the reversal of the curse due to Earth's planetary rotation I.E., seasonal position of the sun in an Aquarius moon related to the waxing galaxy of three milky ways that were blocking the signal in which was needed to reach the football gods.
So I sent Peyton Manning a proper email explaining all this and to my surprise, his press team wanted all the details. I wanted to go to the ritual we eventually planned, but they said I might be too drunk to be on camera. Honestly they muffed the snap here because it would have been a legendary appearance but I digress, so they called Jeff Daniels. I thought it was a brilliant move because you know The Purple Rose of Cairo and all that represents...if you dont know this critical 411, Google the Greek God Pegasus and his ties to Eygptian Oligarchs...anywho, this was the result...a proper reversal to Bobby Layne's almighty curse which should be talked about with respect. I also didnt have a Bobby Layne Jersey #22 which was the most crucial aspect, because Dr. Zicardee Zee informed me that the spell would just waft up to the gods and by default they'd usually just bestow that enlightenment onto Tom Brady's career. A big part of my failures was cursing Bobby Layne. That was the wrong approach. I should have appeased him and kissed his dead ass, but who would do that, especially a tortured Lifelong Lions fan? Anyways, the Absinthe showed me the light and when I woke up in Reno by the side of the highway it seemed I had won 20k in a poker game because my pockets were flush with cash so I just got back. I'm still trying to piece together what happened during the post-Absinthe period and I may never figure it out, but reading the email I had sent to Peyton Manning cleared somethings up. He thanked me for trying to improve the game of football and this clip was the result of many years of Detroit football heart ache...
Here you go... (I had to scribe this via a phone so sorry about any typos or lack of depth, my fingers have grown too wide, not to mention other legal factors that I won't discuss now, which have made this the only method for which to transpose this final tale) Salut Mofos!
I had to take it to the next level, so I hired a translator by the hour and called Brazil, where a world famous voodoo doctor lives in the mountains of a magical rain forest. Dr. Zacadi Zee informed me that my methods have been proven ineffective. They were old methods, so for 19.99 plus shipping he was going to send me his own reverse the curse advanced voodoo kit. This was the advanced version so I knew it would work. Even though it took months due to Biden and Butegieg supply chain issues it finally arrived two months ago.
We followed the instructions. We had eveything, a picture of Madonna circa 1982, special beads blessed by the good doctor himself, special spices from Walmart, an ancient rosary we had to buy online and a Honolulu blue silver beaked Dodo bird from a Northern Forest in Australia (due to the reverse rotation of the Earth there.) It was all there except one item. All we needed was Absinthe and since it is illegal here in the USA, I had to skirt around some rules and things by paying off customs agents and ex CIA members familiar with the situation. Everything worth doing takes time. Remember that.
Anyways, the Absinthe came from France but I couldnt help myself. Instead of using it to help the Lions, I decided to have a taste myself. It was goood. I mean, life suddenly made sense to me. I understood it all and that's when I knew football is second to living a prosperous, sex filled life. I understood how the system worked, immediately and the ABSINTHE liquor told me I need backup and a higher power to reverse the curse of Bobby Layne. I was simply not qualified nor was my geographic location of where the ghetto meets the meadow the proper location to invoke the reversal of the curse due to Earth's planetary rotation I.E., seasonal position of the sun in an Aquarius moon related to the waxing galaxy of three milky ways that were blocking the signal in which was needed to reach the football gods.
So I sent Peyton Manning a proper email explaining all this and to my surprise, his press team wanted all the details. I wanted to go to the ritual we eventually planned, but they said I might be too drunk to be on camera. Honestly they muffed the snap here because it would have been a legendary appearance but I digress, so they called Jeff Daniels. I thought it was a brilliant move because you know The Purple Rose of Cairo and all that represents...if you dont know this critical 411, Google the Greek God Pegasus and his ties to Eygptian Oligarchs...anywho, this was the result...a proper reversal to Bobby Layne's almighty curse which should be talked about with respect. I also didnt have a Bobby Layne Jersey #22 which was the most crucial aspect, because Dr. Zicardee Zee informed me that the spell would just waft up to the gods and by default they'd usually just bestow that enlightenment onto Tom Brady's career. A big part of my failures was cursing Bobby Layne. That was the wrong approach. I should have appeased him and kissed his dead ass, but who would do that, especially a tortured Lifelong Lions fan? Anyways, the Absinthe showed me the light and when I woke up in Reno by the side of the highway it seemed I had won 20k in a poker game because my pockets were flush with cash so I just got back. I'm still trying to piece together what happened during the post-Absinthe period and I may never figure it out, but reading the email I had sent to Peyton Manning cleared somethings up. He thanked me for trying to improve the game of football and this clip was the result of many years of Detroit football heart ache...
Here you go... (I had to scribe this via a phone so sorry about any typos or lack of depth, my fingers have grown too wide, not to mention other legal factors that I won't discuss now, which have made this the only method for which to transpose this final tale) Salut Mofos!
